I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
