Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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