I think my fart just growled at me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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