even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
