I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
