They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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