just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
