he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
