Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
