I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
