How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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