Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
