I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
