i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just threw up on my dentist
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
