haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
