I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
