your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
