I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
