I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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