she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
