dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
