Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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