butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
