My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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