Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
