I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
