If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
