wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
