Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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