before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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