at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
