ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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