So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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