Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
