A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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