Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
