I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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