Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
