dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
