Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
