so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
