If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
