Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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