ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
