Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
