I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
