Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
