You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
