I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
