Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
