He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
