Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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