literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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