I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
