I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
