I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
