WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
