he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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