how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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