I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
