Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
