There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize