This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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