i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
