I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
