The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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