Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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